Challenging our own ideas of home and family - Dating for Parents ...

I had sold it to my children as an adventure, a yearlong journey that would yank them out of their comfortable suburban home in St. Louis County into the heart of student living in an iconic college town.

With repeated assurances that we would return to their real home, back with their real friends, they were cautiously on board with our move to Ann Arbor, Mich.

I vacillated between euphoria and panic.

I had received a fellowship to study a topic I was personally invested in: how technology is changing family life in the digital age. And, I had a supportive enough spouse and employer to let me pursue the opportunity. The big picture looked like a dream come true. It was the details that provoked serious apprehension. My husband would be staying behind in our home in St. Louis and continue working at his job here, while commuting to Michigan as much as possible. In our 12-year marriage, we had never spent more than a few days apart at a time.

I would have to adjust to becoming a part-time single parent and full-time student in an unfamiliar place with no one I really knew. And when we walked into our apartment in graduate family housing last fall, I realized we most certainly weren?t in St. Louis anymore, Toto.

Our glorified dorm had cinderblock walls, gritty wood floors and a kitchen the size of a walk-in pantry without a dishwasher or microwave. All of us would be sharing a single bathroom in which less than one child-size step separated the sink from the toilet with the bathtub an arm?s length away.

We furnished the place in true collegiate fashion, equal parts Target and Goodwill. I bought a pair of pink dishwashing gloves and lots of paper plates and bowls. We pared down kitchen and clothing essentials and then cut that down by half.

The stuff we would manage just fine without. It was the days of parenting on my own that were so much harder.

By the time my husband would arrive on weekends, I?d be tired from running to classes and seminars, keeping the kids on schedule in school and in their activities and cooking and cleaning our relatively tiny space. Plus, I was on a sabbatical, with relatively few work responsibilities other than the ones I imposed upon myself. But there is a smaller margin for error when there isn?t backup to pick up last-minute items from the store for a school project or drop-off at school rehearsals. There?s an intricate dance with baby-sitters, 2 a.m. emails to teachers and far less patience at the end of the day. At the same time, our world became tighter, smaller, more intimately connected. And that was more rewarding than I could have imagined.

Too often, we imagine that most families look similar to the ones in our neighborhoods, resembling the friends in our social circles. When, in fact,?nearly 30 percent?of children in America?are raised by a single parent, according to the most recent Census data. Global reports indicate that this percentage is higher than other Western countries.

In the St. Louis metro area, that figure is even higher yet, with 32 percent of children being raised by single parents.

Families with a husband and wife?living with their own children under the age of 18 represent about 20 percent of households here, Census data shows.

Think about that for a moment. The most traditional vision of family, the configuration thought of most immediately when talking about family, is a minority among households. Yet this view of family and a home with a lawn and two-car garage colors the most important debates we have about parenting, education and children. When I?ve written columns in the past about the challenges of nursing or baby sleep or school field trips, I?ve had my default bias set on two-parent households. When we hear politicians argue over the value of early child-care programs or the state?s minimum wage,?how often do we?imagine an?inclusive picture of families affected by these decisions?

In the past year, I had the chance to read more than I ever could have done while working full-time. I took classes I never would have considered when I was in college or graduate school, such as how video games can be used in learning. I traveled to five countries, from South America to the Middle East. I met Supreme Court justices in Argentina and political prisoners in the occupied territories of the West Bank. But I gained just as much perspective from stepping outside my established notion of family and what makes a home.

I?ll be sharing my research on how our ideas of privacy and technology and family life are colliding and shifting in this modern age. But I?ll also be telling more stories about families outside our?20 percent.

I?m looking forward to restarting our weekly conversations, St. Louis.

As always, it will be an adventure.

Article source: http://www.stltoday.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/parenting/aisha-sultan/challenging-our-own-ideas-of-home-and-family/article_578b9fae-d4d0-11e1-92ec-001a4bcf6878.html

Source: http://www.parentsdatingparents.com/challenging-our-own-ideas-of-home-and-family/

tim gunn tim gunn built to last obama state of the union address 2012 obama speech terrell owens terrell owens